BONEYARD

BONEYARD

Scene … actually let’s start with the cover this time.
Question marks abound, as Robin stands side-to-side with Oberon Sexton, who most gallant readers have either theorized is Bruce Wayne (Many believing he is once more amnesiac) or else The Joker in some twisted homage to the Batman. The cover doesn’t do much to help, except emphasize his “Gravediggeriness”. However, a peek of pale skin (indeterminate whether it’s pasty white or just fair) peeks from his sleeve. His black mask could still suggest a cut smile underneath. The trenchcoat? I own a black rain-slicker a bit shorter than that, but I’ll say that raincoats with mantle-like flaps down the top are THE # 1 article of clothing for making a skinny person seem broader. But your guess is as good as mine.

Scene … wait now let’s do the TITLE.
“BONEYARD” … as in, a pile of Dominoes. All 99 Fiends piling onto this here Mexican Train.

Scene 1: El Penitente’s Drug Mansion in Mexico
Confirmation if anyone needed it. El Penitente is Doctor Hurt. Now who is Doctor Hurt? Well, we’re getting there. Morrison wisely gives us most of our information but has something so crucial and juicy in that last tilt of his hand that he won’t reveal the whole thing just yet. There’s more to it. He may be Thomas Wayne, but there’s more to it. Still, everything checks out.

Scourging. Repentance. Purely for the sake of decadence, as we’ll see in a moment, he’s so decadent he’s just fucking with this poor Padre.

Double-U as “Double You” – it’s the Japanese who use their form of “W” (Daburu) as an ideogram for “double”. Just off the top of my head, there hasn’t been much Japanese folklore incorporated into R.I.P. or Reborn, but there was Bruce Wayne reclaiming the mantle by way of the Bat Tengu Demon back in KnightsEnd. Just a stray thought.

His talk about “the Dark Twin” is, I think, a nice red herring – still claiming things that are vague enough to match up with fan theories. This time, the long-held claim that maybe, just maybe, he’s Thomas Wayne, Jr. – Bruce’s “long lost brother” who in Crime Syndicate Earth is actually Owl-Man. Many a fan has speculated that particular Thomas was Hurt. In this case I think it’s more metaphorical – or even prophetic. Due to crazy time hijinx, historical destiny and weird deals with demons and soul-swapping, these two are “dark mirrors of one another”. One the “Bat” and the other the slave of the Bat Demon. Reclaim what was always rightfully mine indicates as an outcast/black sheep of the Wayne Family, he was cast out for his Devil Worship, ostracized and shunned. Cut out of the will. Probably Darius Wayne was his brother or his brother’s son (his nephew) and Darius got everything, including the land, whereupon he began construction of Wayne Manor, which was later completed by Civil War era Joshua & Solomon.

Sure enough, this is a Batman comic. Hurt is hiding out as the El Penitente Cartel, and therefore, the D.E.A. is destroying the place. But Hurt doesn’t care. He has no soul, he just walks to the usual mode of transportation, a chopper, and leaves. Take him home, to Gotham. One way or another, he’s from Gotham.

Notice when he says “The Mask of the Penitent One” has served its purpose, his face is revealed to some extent in a way it hasn’t been before. His Doctor Hurt haircut swept back, shown as being a bit more silver/white. If it’s not just coloring choice, if his hair is actually white, he’s got to be far older than a potential “Brother”. As a 250 year old possibly Devil possessed or soulless immortal bastard, white hair would be the standard.


Scene 2: Dick Grayson in the Cult Chamber
Fresh paint … “within a year, maybe”. Oh hey! Batman R.I.P. was a year ago! And Dick Grayson, ever the boy wonder, follows the old clichés and stands on the Bat Seal, and a passageway opens with a rail tunnel, indicating that however long ago the Corpse Road was built … somebody was still using it for something by the time railroads came along (Joshua & Solomon – Especially considering one of them might very well be Bruce). Oh, also … YET ANOTHER mention of an “Underground Railroad”. First the actual Underground Railroad that was hidden in the Bat-Cave. Then the further mention last issue. Plus the Subways used by the British villains. Add to that the NYC subways from 7 Soldiers and the Gotham subways that Cave Carson found Bruce’s marks in. Morrison is really crazy about underground railways, now.

Scene 3: Oberon & Damian in the Graveyard with the Shovel
Belial Twins speak as one. Duke Vepar. We covered them last issue. Naberius, dog of Hell. Calls himself a dog, supposedly appears as a three-headed one. Also as a Crow, and hey, he’s got a pet Crow. That explains the jacket with the feathers, too. Couldn’t place that one last issue. Apparently Naberius isn’t shovel-proof. Damian beating down Zepar is appropriate, since the guy is supposedly a pederast. Oddly enough … here they call him Duke Vepar, but last issue he was Duke Zepar. I wonder if Morrison is combining the two on purpose.

But of course, in our “Batman vs. Robin” angle, Damian’s new spine isn’t the miracle cure he wanted it to be. It’s remote controllable, and Talia is testing him out. World’s worst mother. And in comes the character everyone was curious about, the “old enemy” of Dick Grayson. I theorized Morrison would pick a lesser known like Shrike, but in this case, Talia’s puns prove to be not subtle at all. Blatant, snarky teasing of Slade’s codename.

Scene 4: Talia’s HQ
A bit of Talia & Slade’s history: Talia and Slade are both MASTER ranking members of the Secret Society of Super-Villains. Specifically, the Modern incarnation formed by Alexander Luthor prior to Infinite Crisis. These two were at the tippy-top. They came out of Infinite Crisis relatively unscathed, although Batman and Nightwing did beat the crap out of Slade. ONE YEAR LATER, he made a point of screwing with Batgirl Cassandra Cain – a move sure to keep him in Talia’s good graces, since she HATES Cain. During Final Crisis, Deathstroke and Talia were once more sitting at the head of the table in Libra’s new Society and they avoided enslavement by Darkseid. However, Slade didn’t fare so well. In the midst of the Submission month, Geo-Force actually cut Slade’s throat and it hasn’t healed as well as he’d like. Meanwhile, he’s about to launch his own mercenary super-villain team. They’ll probably remain loosely affiliated with Talia, although I doubt they’ll be an unofficial branch of the League of Assassins any time soon. Talia al Ghul seems to be offering Slade a favor in return for one he might’ve paid.

Scene 5: Back in the Graveyard
Alfred playing “Command Unit” in the flying Batmobile is neat. Sexton beats down Belial with his shovel, and what hurts one seems to Tomax & Xamot-like hurt the other, although it’s not as precise as that. Dick’s response to Sexton being on the premises? “Sexton? Ha.” … Recall last issue when Dick said there was something familiar about Oberon Sexton. He seems to have some idea who it might be, expects this all to go very smoothly.

Scene 6: The Corpse Road
This is the place where Joshua Wayne was standing in his painting. (And here I thought it was the library). A separate cave. Dick questions Bruce not knowing about it, and Morrison once again brings up a fan complaint the very next issue, covering all the bases – just all in good time – as Dick asks Alfred about the repairs to the mansion after Cataclysm. Alfred informs him that it was only parts of the Cave and West Wing that were messed up.

And therein Dick finds a stalactite that’s been carved into the likeness of Barbatos, the Devil-Bat-Demon that the Miagani Tribe worships. Possibly the Giant Bat that Batman skins back in 10,000 B.C. and wears like a Batman costume. In fact, it would be hilarious of Bruce killed Barbatos back then, launching this whole Demonic feud.

Half-Human, Half-Bat. We know Barbatos is the Miagani Bat-Demon, but this is the first time I’ve heard “Human & Bat”. That kind of points to the “bat shadow” that attacked and stopped Barbatos from possessing the Wayne girl in the flashbacks in Dark Knight, Dark City. But it was Bruce that Barbatos was calling the “Bat-Man”.

There’s apparently some kind of energy source within the Barbatos shrine. Of course, the next time we see Dick, he emerges from the Wayne Crypt saying “HE FOUND IT! HE FOUND …” and he gets attacked. But clearly next issue we’ll find exactly what he found. Clues from Bruce Wayne himself. The secret of the Barbatos shrine. The Garden of Death. The mysterious energy source.

Scene 7: Meanwhile, back in the Graveyard again …
I questioned the actual level of demonic possession these patsy assholes might have, but Naberius seems to actually sense that Barbatos is waking up. One has to admit, that Oberon’s style of choking out Naberius and slamming him against a headstone to interrogate him is very much in Bruce Wayne’s style.

Alfred mentions Alan Wayne’s crypt, which is the centerpiece in the Garden of Death. So that’s the significance of the Alan Wayne stone last issue. More than just a nod to either Alan Moore or Alan Grant, it’s the stone from the era where the design of the Garden of Death began. Alan Wayne MAY just be the first Wayne who moved from Scotland/England to America. Thomas could be his son or brother, as could Darius.

Sexton recognizes all the demonic names from Demonology (Goetia, Lesser Key of Solomon, and all the other handy stuff I references last time around). He’s thorough. Knows a lot. It’s only natural that Damian suspects he might be Bruce Wayne, and he recognizes the fake accent, too. Sexton find a Domino on the assassin. Or does he? He might be LEAVING a Domino. That doesn’t stop Damian from asking him if he’s Bruce Wayne.

Damian’s piecing together clues, too. Sexton is not who he says he is. These hired hands have nothing to do with the Domino Killer. This guy is looking for something special, but he doesn’t know all the facts.

And naturally, Deathstroke takes over Damian’s body, cracks Sexton with a shovel (Knocking his red-tinted shades off, so we’ll see his eyes if we see his face. Then Dick exits the crypt with the new information and looking like shit – like he’s just been beat up by a demon, and he’s holding the very same coffer casket with the Bat logo on it that Joshua Wayne was holding in the painting (Bruce Wayne’s journal?). And Damian attacks him and sets “Batman vs. Robin” into full swing, although it’s obviously more Deathstroke vs. Batman.

And worst of all, the “99 Fiends” are there. 99 attackers ready to kill. Oberon barely recovered and a total mystery. Slade ready to kill Grayson. Tension levels at 1,000,000 and rising.

The teaser indicates next month we’ll get more Slade/Damian vs. Dick, getting desperate. We’ll get the true identity of Oberon Sexton revealed fully. We’ll learn the secret of the Dominoes (next issue looks like it’ll be called MEXICAN TRAIN and will finally explain that) and Hurt will arrive and give all the dirty decadent details about his tenure as El Penitente.

Can’t wait, Bat-Fans, because unfortunately, being the middle chapter of a 3-parter, Morrison did what he always did, and this issue really didn’t have that much to dissect. It moved the action along nice, set everything up beautifully for the third act, brought in Slade for the quick cash money surprise, and left us hanging with even more questions. And we're looking at a full-scale collision between Black Glove/Penitente interests and League of Assassins/Society interests.

On the art side of things, Andy Clarke loosened up and continued his A-Game on the architecture. Some of the faces are still a little weird, but none as bad as last issue. Slade looks a little youthful, though. And Talia still looks a little odd. But overall, less weird moments than last time out.

My Kingdom for a Seahorse ...

Well, it's about time I sat down and gave the King of the Seven Seas his proper write-up. Others have gone written far more focused accounts of exactly why Aquaman hasn't had the run of luck Batman or Superman has had in Rogues (Of which, Aquaman finds a middle ground. Not as great a gallery as Batman or Flash. Not as Bad as Wonder Woman or the rest. About on par with Green Lantern really, he just has yet to have Geoff Johns come along and refresh his whole stockpile of enemies). His setting and why a golden undersea city, possibly the most ancient on Earth, is less iconic than the greasy skyline of Gotham or the cutting spires of Metropolis (In a pinch? Lack of clear artistic flair. The best artist to interpret it is Alex Ross, and JUSTICE isn't in-continuity). His lot in life (Which again, actually falls in the middle. People assume it must be dismal, but actually, Aquaman is in a place much like Green Lantern and Flash were. He peaked early on, then basically got dragged down in the 90's during the time of Knightfall and Death of Superman. Very much like Green Lantern, in fact. Even his "Volumes" almost match up with the volumes of Green Lantern.

So what is it I have to say about Aquaman that hasn't been said? Well ... first and foremost you should know I've put a great deal of thought into how to make Aquaman a great comic. I've got a twenty-five issue run plotted, loaded with pagan myths, threats, and filled to the brim with the strangest mysteries and creatures of the ocean's depths. And the coolest ones, too. And it's basically a Sergio Leone film adapted for the ocean floor.

But just to give people an overall feel for the life of Aquaman, I'm going to put together, here, now, a quick timeline like the one I did a few weeks ago for Batman. This is by no means anywhere near as complicated as the "EVERY CHRONOLOGICAL APPEARANCE EVER, INCLUDING SIDE-CHARACTERS AND LOOSELY AFFILIATED OCEAN ADVENTURERS" file I have on my computer. Rather, like the Batman one, it's purely the "Big Stuff", neatly organized and made clear.

Furthermore, I'll add that I personally subscribe to the Silver Age secret origin - very specifically the updated version revealed when Aquaman was strapped to a lighthouse lamp by the Fisherman and was awaiting death by heat exhaustion from a very hot lamp. I've got nothing against Waid's Year One or David's Atlantis Chronicles or Time & Tide ... I just don't think they make any god damn sense. The parts I like I'd be more than happy to see mined for all they're worth ... but the total retcon of Tom Curry out of Aquaman's life? Insanity. The widower father, who is a teacher to his son, a sailor with a mermaid who lost her, an adventurer and oceanographer, who gives Aquaman his very purpose of protecting the seas from threats to both kingdoms above and below the water level? That's the whole crux of his super-hero career. But anyway, on with mapping the course of his life.

Right away you'll notice that by first appearing as Aquaman in 1941, he falls into the "1940-44" year. Batman and Superman's "Year 2". So they had a head-start on the rest of the super-heroes by a year, and they became the "World's Finest" at that time, while Aquaman was just an urban legend and pirate-hunter for two years prior to becoming famous and eventually teaming up with the other top heroes.

Year One: (1940-44) Pirate Hunter Years
Big Event: THE SUBMARINE STRIKES
(Runner Up: BLACK JACK)
* Black Jack

Year Two: (1945-49) Pirate Hunter Years
Big Event: THE SLEUTH OF THE SEA
(Runner Up: RETURN OF THE SEA SLEUTH)
* Phineas Pike the Sea Sleuth

Year Three: (1950-54) Pirate Hunter Years
Big Event: THE OUTLAW NAVY
(Runner Up: AQUAMAN VS. THE SEA)
* N/A

Year Four: (1955-59) Slow Reveal of Atlantis
Big Event: AQUAMAN MEETS AQUA-GIRL
(Runner Up: A RIVAL FOR AQUAMAN, HOW AQUAMAN GOT HIS POWERS)
* Seaman, Topo, Jason Deeter, New Venice, Electric Man, Imitation Aquaman, Tom Curry, Atlanna, Atlantis (Pre-Poseidonis), Lisa Morel (Of Shayeris)

Year Five: (1960-64) Hero of Atlantis
Big Event: THE CREATURES FROM ATLANTIS, THE WEDDING OF AQUAMAN
(Runner Up: THE KID FROM ATLANTIS, STARRO THE CONQUEROR, THE AQUAMAN FROM ATLANTIS)
* Aqualad, Sea Devils, Starro, Aqua-Cave, Human Flying Fish, Trino, Creature King, Quisp, Fire-Trolls, Justice League of America, Pomoxis, Quirk & Quink, Neptune, Mera, Leron, Old Man of the Sea, Poseidon, Zeus, Oceanus

Year Six: (1965-69) King of Atlantis
Big Event: THE BIRTH OF AQUABABY, AQUAMAN; COWARD-KING OF THE SEAS
(Runner Up: FEARFUL FREAK FROM ATLANTIS, BETWEEN TWO DOOMS, DEATH OF AQUAMAN)
* Nikkor, Kaltor & Starene, The Fisherman, Hila & Kandor, Arthur Curry Junior, Sinquo, Karla, Tamerkhan, O.G.R.E., Ocean Master, Captain Forty-Knot Burke, Mongo, Necrus the Black City, Aquagirl (Tula), Black Manta, Doctor Vulko, Torpedo Man, Magneto & Claw, The Scavenger, Liquidator, Lord Ragnar, Aliena, Narkran, The Maarzons, Mupo

Year Seven: (1970-74) King of Atlantis
Big Event: LAST JET TO GOTHAM
(Runner Up: CRIME WAVE, AMAZON ATTACK AGAINST ATLANTIS)
* Thanatos, Crusader, World-Inside-the-Ring

Year Eight: (1975-79) King in Exile
Big Event: DARK DESTINY, DEADLY DREAMS … THE WAR OF THE UNDERSEA CITIES
(Runner Up: AND DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR, CROWN, CRISIS & CATACLYSM, ARMAGEDDON CONSPIRACY)
* Little Mermaid, Captain Demo, General Horgan, Karshon (The Shark), Toxxin, Marine Marauder, Cal Durham, Kobra, Landau, Lori Lemaris & Ronal, Tritonis (First made into a sister city in “War of the Undersea Cities”), Helga, Nazi Geneticists

Year Nine: (1980-84) Super-Hero
Big Event: SIREN OF THE SARGASSO
(Runner Up: FAMILY PLOT, WATER-WAR ONE)
* Atlena (Atlanna’s Sister), Amphitrite, Siggy the Seahorse, V’Lana, the End of the Justice League

Year Ten: (1985-89) Super-Hero
Big Event: AQUAMAN VOLUME 2
(Runner Up: JUSTICE LEAGUE DETROIT, CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS)
* Vibe, Vixen, Steel, Gypsy, Thierna Na Oge, Nuada Silver-Hand, Jellyfish Aliens, Mera’s apparent death

Year Eleven: (1990-94) Ambassador Aquaman
Big Event: TIME & TIDE, HITTING BOTTOM
(Runner Up: A SMALL WORLD INCIDENT, TAILS & LEGS)
* King Thesily (Vulko’s successor), King Firtf (of Tritonis), Lord Iqula & Lady S’ona, Commander Echson Krystal, Rocket Reds, Charybdis, Dolphin, the Hook Hand, Letifos, Porm, Garth’s apparent death

Year Twelve: (1995-99) Atlantis Rising
Big Event: Toughie … OUT COLD, SEA OF GREEN, MARRIAGE VOWS
(Runner Up: THE RISING SUN, SHARK BAIT, FISH TARTARUS, All of Morrison’s JLA appearances, especially STARRO, the ULTRAMARINE stuff and JLA: EARTH 2)
* Koryak, Corona, The Deep Six, Tiamat, Kordax, Atlan, Tempest, Neptune Perkins & Tsunami, Deep Blue, Demon Gate, Nuliajhuk, Black Manta sells his soul to Neron and becomes a Devil Ray, Triton, Swamp Thing, Animal Man, Slizzath, Sea Wolf, the Maritorn, Noble, Lava-Lord, Virtue, Atlanna returns?, Kingfish, Electric Eel, Cerdian, Wedding of Tempest & Dolphin, and every issue over-loaded with cameos from other DCU characters like Superboy and Lobo and Power Girl

Year Thirteen: (2000-04) Atlantis Falling
Big Event: WAR, OBSIDIAN AGE, AMERICAN TIDAL
(Runner Up: WATERBEARER, GREEN LANTERN: REBIRTH, INFINITE CRISIS)
* Captain Rodunn, Cerdian War, Justice League of Atlantis, Obsidian Age, Lady of the Lake (Vivienne), Hagen, Ireland, The Thirst, SUB DIEGO, Aquagirl, The Eel, Esther Maris (Girlfriend), Marauder, Anton Geist, Alonzo, Barracuda of Anti-Earth and the death of most of Aquaman’s supporting cast

Year Fourteen: THE MISSING YEAR
Big Event: WORLD WAR III
(Runner Up: One random appearance in 52)
* Cursed into the hideous Dweller of the Depths by what looks like Poseidon & Triton, and apparently cloned by an Uncle Phil that he never knew he had.

Year Fifteen: (2005-09) Refugee Era
Big Event: BLACKEST NIGHT
(Runner Up: SWORD OF ATLANTIS (Which on top of killing Arthur killed his series as well, but at least made King Shark neat and put a new spin on Fisherman))
* Neo-Aquaman Clone Kid, Philip Curry, King Shark, Atsiul, Red Torpedo, Elsa Magnussen, Windward Home, Nenomi, the Cult of Dyss, Narwhal (AKA Zombie Koryak), Kyesha Salton, Clown Fish, Krusivax, Unknown Aquaman of Final Crisis, King Tempest (for five minutes)

Year Sixteen: (2010-14) Brightest Day
Big Event: BRIGHTEST DAY, a 27-part biweekly series that promises to fix the DCU characters that various writers have fucked up over the years. Aquaman is the main character with Mera right beside him. Other amazing DC heroes who have been fucked by editors and bad writers like Hawkman, Hawkwoman, Deadman, Firestorm and Martian Manhunter.
(Runner Up: Fuck new characters … it’s about time the A-List talent got some stories worth telling. AQUAMAN. MERA. BLACK MANTA. OCEAN MASTER. FISHERMAN. Maybe a new SCAVENGER. A unified ATLANTIS. Basic stories. Anti-Piracy, revenge and heroics on the high seas)

I’m thankful Johns has Tomasi with him on this – they should balance each other’s faults and have good, punchy storylines. I also hope Patrick Gleason, who had an excellent run on Aquaman Volume 6 with few fill-ins, is the primary Aquaman artist during Brightest Day. But I won’t cry if it ends up being Reis.

So what are the main things to know about Aquaman? He started making a name for himself as a pirate smasher. (And Nazi basher). A few years into it, in the 60's, his life became permanently linked to Atlantis. After a year of saving the place from its own superstitious moron population, they voted him in as king, only to proceed through the 60's by either being helpless pansies, or far-right-wing fanatics bent on usurping his throne (THREE, count 'em, THREE attempted revolutions - not even counting the multiple attempts by Ocean Master). Clearly the 1960's are Aquaman's glorious golden age.

The 1970's however, things slowed down a little, but ended stronger than any thing to date. Infanticide. A super-villain who wins. Aquaman goes bounty hunter. Atlantis finally gets turned into two cities (Poseidonis & Tritonis) and a bunch of "lost tribes".

The 1980's basically have Aquaman's marriage fall apart as he dedicates himself toward JLA: Detroit. The 1990's are basically Aquaman hitting rock bottom after Superman's death and finally undergoing his "GRIM & GRITTY" makeover.

The 2000's had a valiant effort to try something new and awesome with Sub Diego, but some moron had the idea to approve Kurt Busiek's insane One Year Later plans and they finally put the nail in Aquaman's coffin. First they'd destroyed his family (Harsh, but ripe with potential) then he fell prey to the GRIM & GRITTY worse than even Batman, and then saddled with 90's lame-ass cameos and barring one shining moment mid-2000's, he finally died at the hands of some nobody after Busiek's insane experiment failed and some non-entity was handed the title.

And that "broad-strokes" history of Aquaman's main hits & misses out of the way ... I'll say he's still my absolute favorite DC Comics super-hero (Batman is my third, although he's clearly got the best stories). I'm glad to have him back. About bloody time. Long live the King. And I'll get a lot more in-depth next time around, discussing what kind of guy Aquaman should be in this resurrected stage of his life, with 17 years of all that experience, all that lost family, and EVERY LAST ONE of his villains still running amok unchecked.

In two words? A COWBOY.

(Family killed. Wife divorced but still down for booty calls and being a help/hindrance. Dozens of enemies roaming the ocean frontiers. Never much of a talker. Rides a sea-horse into town. Apprehends an Atlantean rogue. Rides a pack of Killer Whales after a menace from the surface. Uses ingenuity to win. Hauls villains crying to the authorities, then rides off into the sunset.)

I'm willing to give Geoff "Tendency to cut right to the coolest characters and take what's cool about them and amplify it" Johns and Peter "You'll actually care about their personalities" Tomasi and see if they can't work some magick here.

Laughter

According to mystics, magicians, witches, warlocks, wizards and nearly all other practitioners of magick ... according to Aleister Crowley and according to Grant "Pop Magic!" Morrison ...

Laughter is the best means for banishing a demon.

So with the red and black rose petals, was Joker giving Bruce a weapon to use against the demon? Bruce was "at the end" where he was supposed to be broken and potentially succumb to the devil's psychic possession or attack? Was the Black Glove merely "the modern incarnation of the occult", servants of the demon Barbatos, doing his will, offering the sacrifice of the Wayne family member to the Bat-Demon?

The demon wants Batman. By making him laugh, (Was it chemically? We're to understand that Bruce had an antidote ... so why the laughter? Like I said a second ago ... Bruce is now in on the joke.) did Joker give Bruce the power to banish Barbatos from his mind? (This is why when we next see him, Batman is thinking clearly, ready to kick ass and take names. And Hurt - channeling Barbatos' words, probably - "curses" him.

Who knows?

Year by Bat-Year

I like what Grant Morrison does. I like how he thinks. I like how efficiently he does things. Most of all I like that he's put everything back into play. Everything. Pre-Crisis, Post-Crisis, even some Elseworlds (Non-Continuity) efforts are now part of continuity (Although, he certainly keeps things reasonable).

Anyway, I subscribe to this. And specifically, I've looked over the back-issues, listed, listed, re-listed and listed again everything in order. And I've determined that a suitable timeline for Batman, and in fact, the entire DC Universe, equals about 1 year for every 5 years real-time.

(Added: This seems to work with Batwoman's origins, too. The covers of Batwoman's origin story in Detective Comics recently show "Twenty Years Ago", "Seven Years Ago", "Four Years Ago". 20 Years Ago places her tragic childhood events at a few years before Bruce even graduates high-school. 7 Years Ago was when she had to leave West Point, met up with Renee Montoya (This is right about when Montoya was introduced in the comics as well, as a beat cop during Tim Drake's early days, pre-Knightfall.) and 4 Years Ago places her decision to "join the Batman mission" in and around No Man's Land, although it was another year or so before she first "appeared" on the scene. (We learned in the final issue that she spent that next year or so training world-wide with some of the best martial arts experts her father could find.) This mean's Rucka's timeline syncs up with Morrison's.)

Year One: (1935-1939) Joker's Satire Years
Big Event: THE MAN WHO LAUGHS
(Runner Up: BATMAN: YEAR ONE, CATWOMAN: YEAR ONE, DARK MOON RISING)
* Joker, Catwoman, Harvey Dent, Gordon, Hugo Strange, Boss Maroni, Carmine Falcone, Julie Madison

Year Two: (1940-1944) Joker's Satire Years
Big Event: THE LONG HALLOWEEN
* Riddler, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow, Mad Hatter, Two-Face

Year Three: (1945-1949) Joker's Satire Years
Big Event: DARK VICTORY
(Runners Up: ROBIN: YEAR ONE, COMMISSIONER GORDON WALKS A BEAT)
* Dick Grayson, Mister Freeze, Cavalier, Penguin, Clayface, Vicki Vale

Year Four: (1950-1954) Joker's Camp Years
Big Event: THE BATMAN AND ROBIN OF ENGLAND
(Runners Up: THE MAN BEHIND THE RED HOOD, THE BATMEN OF ALL NATIONS)
* Knight & Squire, Deadshot, Wingman, Killer Moth, Firefly

Year Five: (1955-1959) Joker's Camp Years
Big Event: THE CLUB OF HEROES
(Runners Up: BATWOMAN, THE MAN WHO ENDED BATMAN'S CAREER)
* Kathy Kane, Ace, Lew Moxon, John Mayhew, Professor Milo, Zur En Arrh, Bat-Mite

Year Six: (1960-1964) Joker's Camp Years
Big Event: JUSTICE LEAGUE: YEAR ONE
(Runners Up: ROBIN DIES AT DAWN)
* Justice League, Bette Kane, Clayface II, Polka-Dot Man, Catman, Dr. Hurt

Year Seven: (1965-1969) Joker's Camp Years
Big Event: THE INSIDE STORY OF THE OUTSIDER
(Runners Up: CRISIS ON EARTH-1, CRISIS ON EARTH-2)
* Blockbuster, Cluemaster, Outsider, Gaggy

Year Eight: (1970-1974) Joker's New Homicidal
Big Event: THE DEMON'S QUEST
(Runners Up: BATGIRL: YEAR ONE, THE JOKER'S FIVE-WAY REVENGE)
* Barbara Gordon, Brave and the Bold, Jason Bard, Man-Bat, Ten-Eyed Man, Reaper, Spook, Lupus, League of Assassins, Arkham Asylum

Year Nine: (1975-1979) Joker's New Homicidal
Big Event: THE LAUGHING FISH
(Runners Up: THERE IS NO HOPE IN CRIME ALLEY)
* Leslie Thompkins, Black Spider, Thorne, Phosphorus, Silver St. Cloud, Clayface III, Lucius Fox

Year Ten: (1980-1984) Joker's New Homicidal
Big Event: JUST ANOTHER KID ON CRIME ALLEY
(Runners Up: NIGHTWING: YEAR ONE, BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS)
* Jason Todd, Julia Pennyworth, Mayor Hill, Killer Croc, Outsiders, Nocturna, The Wrath

Year Eleven: (1985-1989) Joker's Ringmaster from Hell
Big Event: THE KILLING JOKE, A DEATH IN THE FAMILY
(Runners Up: A LONELY PLACE OF DYING, CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS)
* Tim Drake, Black Mask, Ventriloquist, Deacon Blackfire

Year Twelve: (1990-1994) Modern Joker
Big Event: KNIGHTFALL, KNIGHTQUEST, KNIGHTSEND
(Runners Up: RITE OF PASSAGE)
* Bane, Azrael, Huntress, Renee Montoya, Zsasz

Year Thirteen: (1995-1999) Modern Joker
Big Event: NO MAN'S LAND
(Runners Up: PRODIGAL, ZERO HOUR)
* Stephanie Brown, Harley Quinn, Cassandra Cain, Crispus Allen

Year Fourteen: (2000-2004) Modern Joker
Big Event: HUSH, UNDER THE HOOD
(Runners Up: OFFICER DOWN, HALF A LIFE, INFINITE CRISIS
* Hush, Tarantula, Jason as Red Hood II

Year Fifteen: (The "Missing" Year)
Big Event: DARK KNIGHT DOWN
* Kate Kane, Ten-Eyed Tribe of the Ghost Quarter

Year Sixteen: (2005-2009) Joker's Clown at Midnight
Big Event: The Morrison Run! (Bruce)
(Runners Up: FINAL CRISIS, FACE THE FACE)
* Damian Wayne, Club of Villains, Black Glove,

Year Seventeen: (2010-2014) Joker's Clown at Midnight
Big Event: The Morrison Run! (Grayson)
(Runners Up: BLACKEST NIGHT)
* Circus of Crime, Black Mask II, Alice, British Rogues, Council of Spiders

(And for the record, that'd make Bruce Wayne 37-38, Dick Grayson 24, Jason Todd 19-20, Tim Drake 18, Stephanie Brown 18, Cassandra Cain 18, Kate Kane 30, Alfred Pennyworth 60 and Damian Wayne 10.)

A Haunting We Will Go ... (THE HAUNTING OF WAYNE MANOR)

(Note: During my second read-through, my notes become much clearer and more concise, stopped meandering, and matched Morrison's narrative scene-for-scene, therefore I've replaced my original post with the revised edition. All the thoughts are still here, just now they're less eager and giddy and more researched and thought out. A little revisionist history, courtesy of the Omega Effect.)

BATMAN VERSUS ROBIN, PART 1: THE HAUNTING OF WAYNE MANOR
Damian holds a conference with the Wayne Enterprises board! Apart from being a bit of a typical brash Morrison move in making Damian seem ultra-neato, we see more of him being a chip off the old cowl. As we know, Grayson neither enjoys numbers and corporate crap, nor is he a “Wayne” explicitly. Not his area. But Damian’s totally willing to give it a go. (Fuel to the fire that Damian is also supposed to be usurping the Wayne Empire)

Lucius, picking back up on the oddness of Wayne Enterprises he mentioned to Dick Grayson back in Revenge of the Red Hood.

Mysterious. No answers this issue on why these donations are evil. A sluice fund, possibly.

"We have strict instructions to honor the memory of Thomas Wayne, but grave suspicions have been aroused, as you might imagine." Which Thomas Wayne?

Reference to Hush masquerading as Bruce, going crazy with money.

Damian is a mini-Bruce. Heck, “sacrifice of the son” (Clone talk) could mean to reincarnate, Bruce has to manifest in this clone body. Then it really would be Batman & Robin reversed, with Dick as Batman and Bruce as Robin.

For the second time, Dick Grayson meets Oberon Sexton, the Gravedigger.

If it’s Joker, he started in the Middle-East and killed Al-Khidr, then moved on to Cardinal Maggi in Rome, Sir Anthony in England. Malenkov was already dead in Gotham (Since Joker killed him, and drove an ambulance into the river, one could assume Joker took the body with him, in the ambulance, THEN fed him to the gator). The “vanished without a trace” HAS to be Jezebel Jet, who Talia took out with ninja man-bats. So is she dead, or is she Talia’s prisoner? Confirmed she’s the one missing next sentence. Nice go with the Time Magazine Cover, a nice bit of continuity has the TIME Magazine cover mourning her death at the hands of Talia al Ghul’s ninja man-bats (She had been scheduled for a TIME cover shoot even as her jet was overtaken by evil ninjas).

So, the Domino Killer is going to kill Hush? (Unlikely)

Nothing notable about peanuts. Funny joke. Well, there’s “Peanut”, the card game.

Joker, probing for Batman’s identity? Could it be that Joker has been THIS CLOSE to Bruce’s identity for the entirety of R.I.P., even saw him unmasked for a second, and still can’t fathom that Bruce Wayne is Batman? We know he doesn't give a damn, does that constitute not paying attention to the obvious?

Sexton talks about “good men” (the Infinite Crisis-approved label for Dick), but I mean … the first gravedigger in Hamlet is called “First Clown”. And digs up Yorick’s skull – Yorick the Jester - a classic Joker alias. And the gravedigger in Marxist philosophy is a radical attempting to overthrow the ruling class. Very Joker. Speaking of Joker … anyone else just realize that the Red Hood apart from matching Batman’s theatrics also reflects “The Masque of the Red Death”? To Joker, the whole thing is a masquerade. But "Red Death" was a class warfare statement by Poe.

Something familiar. The Joker? Very possible. Mangrove Pierce? No chance, Dick never met him. Percival Sheldrake? Possible … except he’s supposedly quite dead, confirmed. Would Cyril be so messed up if he hadn’t seen his father die firsthand? Is Springheeled Jack Doctor Hurt, or is he another demon-possessed henchman? (More on that later ...)

The Bat-Cave would be frigid cold without the electricity on in the late winter/early spring. Must be Oracle and Batgirl have to work out of Babs' apartment while the de-Sombrero job occurs.

Suits of armor were rigged by Sombrero – apparently they’re staying. I recall in Burton’s first Batman flick, Wayne had quite a collection of armor. These are better still, they’re all Gothic armor. One assumes Alfred has deactivated the killer robots built into them.

Must be Dick has talked to Red Robin. Since Tim is back in Gotham in his own book right now, and shows up in Tony Daniel’s recent arc, one would assume the Black Mask take-down happens between Blackest Knight and Batman vs. Robin. Alfred, references Blackest Knight. Dick name-drops the Justice League, of which he’s currently a member, referencing James Robinson’s “new League”.

Damian feels like a “tagalong”. This’ll factor into his mood in a minute. Meanwhile – absolute faith in Bruce from his longstanding best-pals. Obviously we’ll see the cave dating back to the Stone Age in Return of Bruce Wayne # 1, Wayne Manor dating back to being built by Darius Wayne during the American Revolution on top of the land where Thomas Wayne sacrificed victims in devil worship, I’m sure we’ll learn every detail of. As it happens, Blackbeard the pirate lived from 1680 to 1718, and is supposed to cameo. HOWEVER … DC’s Black Pirate lived in the latter half of the 1700’s, and therefore Blackbeard when he shows up will likely be as a ghost or a flashback. Expect Pirate Batman to meet Thomas and Darius Wayne. Expect your answers about the “Wayne Family secret” in Return of Bruce Wayne # 3.

Mordecai Wayne (Bruce), Thomas Wayne (Hurt), Darius Wayne (Thanks, Alan Moore – this is the guy who built Wayne Manor, I guess on the location his father owned and had devil worshipping cult practice on), Joshua Wayne (Look, a clue!), Solomon Wayne (See: Return of Bruce Wayne # 4), possibly Alan Wayne, Kenneth Wayne, Patrick Wayne, Silas Wayne (See: Return of Bruce Wayne # 5, and now with eye-holes cut out for spooky glowing eye cliche), Thomas Wayne.

Courtesy of Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing, by way of the Batman: The Cult.

Kudos, Dave Uzumeri. Dick Grayson practically quoted your article.

Nice eyes, Damian. What’s that book “Mordecai” is holding? Could it be the Lesser Key of Solomon? Solomon Wayne, any answers? Did a Cowboy Batman ever come knocking at your door with hired gun Jonah Hex as backup?

Thomas Wayne 1760 looks a lot like Thomas Wayne 1940 and Bruce Wayne, hence why his “I’m your father, I’m Mangrove Pierce, I’m you!” rants rang true. They all have the same aristocratic cheekbones, I'm sure.

If you’ll remember, Blackest Knight was this past winter, therefore Batman vs. Robin is in late winter or early spring, and as us Northeasterners will attest – it’s still freezing. So Alfred turns on the Bat-heat.

Casket with Bat-Logo on it. Where is Joshua in the portrait? We’ll find out momentarily!

Morrison taking a minute to remind us Dick and Damian poke fun jabs at one another, this is another “Nice night” or “Robin and Batman”.

Burning ships would be the particulars of the “historical turning point” battle that happened in Gotham Town during the Revolution (According to Alan Moore's Gotham history). Orion’s Belt, known for Orion the Hunter (Keep hunting, Dick) … also called the Three Marys (Religious iconography) … also Batman was investigating the death of Orion the New God when Darkseid’s forces got him. In Egypt Orion’s belt was associated with Osiris, god of rebirth and the afterlife, and the underworld (See: The Three Great Pyramids of Giza).

Damian still hates Tim Drake. Funny.

Kudos, “Hurt is Immortal, Evil Bruce Wayne” theorists. Probably not true, but Damian is giving you guys a red herring. If anything, Damian is referring to himself. He’s mini-Bruce. Whatever happened changed him? Bruce never shared the details about Damian’s true origins. Is he a child offspring of Talia and Bruce, or a true clone of Bruce? Either way, kid’s a Frankenstein.

The cut from “changed him” to Doctor Hurt talking to Oberon Sexton rings some bells. Hey, wait a minute … what if one of these mysterious fellows is Bruce Wayne, changed? Ding ding ding.

“Mr. Sexton” in quotes. What did Hurt do to Bruce Wayne at the end of R.I.P.? Made him an offer. And Bruce rejected it. He let Dick become Batman rather than continuing to be Batman himself and harming “Batman”. He let Batman go. He “hung up his cowl and quit his crimefighting career”. Of course, that’s if Oberon is Bruce. He’s skinnier, hiding all his features, and wearing white gloves. Joker wore white gloves in R.I.P. Joker rejected Hurt’s offers as well. Joker is someone you’d expect to “strike at Batman” who would then fuck with you.

Mexican Train as in the domino game Pearly Charlie English was playing. 99 fiends reminds one of the “Fiend With Nine Eyes” … possibly the Ten-Eyed Men. Apparently they’re coming. The Mexican Train – a chain of threats headed toward Gotham. Possibly 99 of them, unless the 99 refers to the Ten-Eyed Men – coming to Gotham. In the near future. PROBABLY in “Batman and Robin Must Die” because that title seems like a great place to have 99 enemies attack Gotham and go to war.

99 is a card game.

3rd Hierarchy refers to Demonology – Specifically the aforementioned Lesser Key of Solomon, wherein the Demons are all categorized and listed according to rank. Apparently El Penitente’s cartel henchmen are all named after certain Demons … and in fact share those Demons’ descriptions. It makes sense, considering who’s leading them.

So good, in fact, that Oberon can hear the whispers of the assassins outside his door! That is some exceptional hearing. Mysterious.

Duke Zepar a Demon of the Lesser Key of Solomon, said to wear red armor and looks a soldier. Sweet Belial is a set of twins, who apparently have a binary nature (Belial factored into Paradise Lost). Male and female. Belial in Demonology is very, very high-ranking, so whoever the unnamed “leader” of these assassins is must have a very high-ranking Demon title. Note that he wears a domino mask. Of course, in they kick the door but Oberon Sexton is hanging outside the window with his coat blowing in the wind, looking very Gothic, and pulling a basic Batman move. Just who is the Gravedigger?

A little Dick/Damian interplay that may come back by arc’s end. More importantly, the Wayne Manor library is symmetrical, and shows signs of “soul chapel architecture” like the Gothic church in Batman: Gothic, also by Morrison.

Could be on one of the shelves, there appear to be a lot of books in the library. But I’m sure Bruce left it where Dick can find it.

Second mention of a railroad. We’ll see you in Return of Bruce Wayne # 4.

Conceptually with a pious man in the library with a casket with a bat on it, standing in he light of the library window, looking at a painting of Darius with Orion’s Belt riding a horse. Well hey! There’s a horse bust on the mantle of the fireplace under the portrait of Thomas & Martha Wayne. That lines up conceptually!

Dick is looking at the horse bust on the mantle. And there, underneath it … what’s that?

Three roses, under the horse. Roses, that classic motif. Sub Rosa – Beneath the Rose, a Latin phrase meaning mysteries and secrets. Roses, that modern motif. Joker’s red and black roses, symbolizing love and hate, life and death, mixing together and poisoning people.

Come on kid, why aren’t you enjoying classic super-hero shtick?! Dick has had double punches, team-ups, international adventures and more as Batman! Now it's a bona fide secret mansion mystery.

And … FLASHBACK to between issues of Blackest Knight!

Ninjas patrolling balconies. Ninja man-bats patrolling the skies. Nice place.

And now we see Talia wearing purple. With red hair. 100% pure Jezebel Jet envy. Speaking of, she’s probably got Jet locked up somewhere nearby.

I never pointed this out last issue, but Damian is wearing a white shirt and a red sweater-vest – the absolute staple of Dick Grayson’s dress code when he was Robin.

Not the best of relationships. I wonder if he really is the kid from Mike Barr’s run. Miscarried, but then grown in an artificial womb until being “born”, given to an orphanage for his early years, then kidnapped by ninjas at five years of age and then educated until he was eight years old and Talia introduced herself, ready to use him as a weapon against Bruce during Batman and Son.

Well, the name “Damian” does mean “one who is tame”. But Dick Grayson is the pinnacle of accepting, honest, trusting people. “Spineless”? Brutal.

Ring of truth to it. About a year into every Robin career, it comes time to join some sidekick team. Dick did it. Tim did it. Jason didn’t last the year.

To Talia, all Dick will ever be is the 17 year old she spent a few days in a room tied up next to, pretending to be a hostage during The Demon’s Quest. But Damian believes Dick’s proving himself worthy. Of course he is, he’s Batman’s kid brother, best friend, and sort of his prodigal son in a way, too. And a total spitfire.

Flashback over … what could that mean? Dun-dun-dun.

See the pattern, it’s everywhere? Better dust off those back-issues and go back and check for clues, gang! Meanwhile … this dead-end room is full of armored knights. And these knights are not just any knights, they’re Knights of the Red Shield. The Rothschilds. Long rumored to have ties to the occult, an unholy order of devil worshipping Illuminati. A Jewish name, but that predates Hebrew by a bit, back into Sumerian and Babylonian (Remember them from The Exorcist). Primarily, the rumors were all expounded a ton by the Nazis as an anti-Semitic claim in the 30’s, but the rumors were there before then.

That’s the sound a mechanism makes. Damian grabbing the sword subconsciously programmed to kill Dick Grayson? Totally activated the trapdoor.

Programmed you with secret words. You’re a chip off the old man’s shoulder, kid – he had his ZUR EN ARRH program, you’ve got this!

Who is this executioner and where must he be summoned from? Who does Talia know from Dick Grayson’s past is a better question. She’s worked with Deathstroke in the Secret Society of Super-Villains, and Deathstroke is a villain for hire these days. But rather I hope she’s summoning Jason Todd, having him broken out of prison and sending Dick Grayson’s arch-enemy up against him. After all, she was key in reviving him with a Lazarus Pit to cure his brain damage – one would assume she might have put code words in Jason’s head, too! Could this arc end with Dick, Damian and Jason who are supposed to be killing each other, teaming up to fight off El Penitente’s army of assassins? Hope so!

The walls are thick, sealed, and even Batman’s two-way won’t get through them. This partly explains why apparently Bruce Wayne never found this secret passage.

Dick assumes first that Bruce probably knew about it. However, in this case, nope. Doesn’t look like Bruce found out about it until afterward, during his trek through time. Here we have a chamber carved in stone. Lit only by torches, it is a church-like room, with a podium for a priest and chairs for worshippers, and lots of floor space for what could be sacrifices. And Bruce Wayne might have been here. For drawn on the floor is the “yellow oval” style Bat symbol – possibly Bruce’s way of saying “Bruce Was Here”, and scrawled on the wall in what could be blood? The name “Thomas, Thomas, Thomas” repeated thirty-two times, with the word “BARBATOS” written overtop. Barbatos is one of the demons from the Lesser Key of Solomon. Not a very well defined demon, but perhaps Morrison used him because he has freaking BAT right in his name. The assumption? That “black sheep” Thomas Wayne of 1760 sold his soul in a devil worship ritual to Barbatos, the bat demon. Immortality? Demonic possession? These would explain Doctor Simon Hurt.

This is where it gets interesting. (Hopefully Alfred is safe in the Batmobile). Wayne Family cemetery was just defiled by Black Hand during Blackest Night (The Green Lantern one). A corpse-road is a passage between a holy ritual area and a graveyard, they’re what the casket is carried down, and according to folklore, spirits walk down those paths as well. They also tie into A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and our dear old Oberon Sexton’s name references both A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Oberon) AND graveyards (Sexton). Garden of death could refer to two things – Hugo Simberg’s painting “The Garden of Death”, that shows the Grim Reaper in three places, watering flowers. It’s a metaphor for Purgatory, which is similar to what Bruce Wayne is experiencing in the Omega Effect. And also, it could mean a place where corpses were dumped. A mass grave. If Satanic sacrifices were going on, it’s highly likely.

Damian runs through the cemetery, fighting the mental programming. He passes the unmarked stone with the top totally shaped like a bat where the clone Bruce body was buried before Black Hand dug it up.

Oberon Sexton is here, in the graveyard, next to the grave of “Alan Wayne” (I’m convinced it’s an Alan Moore nod, since Moore wrote the Gotham City history).

Of course, he could be The Joker, AND the Domino Killer, so “here to help” is crazy! But then again, he could be Bruce Wayne. Joker (as seen in Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth) considers Batman the “King of the Freaks” and their Holmes/Moriarty, Sylvester/Tweety relationship borders on Joker considering himself Batman’s personal court jester. Bruce has been trying to think like The Joker. He may have realized how Joker sees the world – that Joker is “Puck” to Batman’s “Oberon”. And there’s even a “Titania” (Talia). Except the Gravediggers in Hamlet were known as Clowns and dug up Yorick. I hold firm on my belief that Oberon Sexton is The Joker, and his way of "mourning Batman" is to murder the Black Glove members. I also believe that he views the whole world as a stage play - as theater. Gotham City is a masquerade where Batman runs the show and Joker leads a troupe of characters in the noble goal of extreme interactive entertainment.

At any rate, the 3rd Hierarchy assassins of El Penitente are in the graveyard, heading toward Wayne Manor. No doubt in addition to being hitmen for the cartel, they’re devil worshipping, demonologists with some history of the occult in Gotham City.

No doubt.

BROKEN

And so we come to it. The final chapter in the very much ... well ... the big "team-up", that's treated like a big "team-up" by a slightly wryly self-aware Dick Grayson.

Four heroes. A cooped up Robin back home. A monster Bruce Wayne clone Black Knight. This one plays it straight. It follows standard Morrison storytelling logic - starting the story with mysteries in both the plot and the format/execution, and giving all the explanations at the end.

Coalmine I ...
Seen in previews, but we get an instance of Dick Grayson admitting to administering the overdose that killed Batwoman (the dying Batwoman, whose injuries would have killed her anyway). Still, as sticklers will point out ... "ZOMG, Batman killed someone!". For the record, this is Dick Grayson, who has killed before (Joker, but he resuscitated him) and we've never once heard his thoughts on mercy killings/euthanasia. Apparently he's for it, at least when pushy red-headed Bat-females tell him what to do.

Nice bit of chat between Batman and his mate, the Knight, talking about back when they were Robin and Squire, respectively. Cyril was terrified of Dick - Dick, the Boy Wonder ... not for nothing, but looking back at stories like Dark Victory, and Frank Miller's out-of-continuity All-Star Batman and Robin? Yeah ... I can see it. That kid was a little firecracker. A ten/eleven year old who could hold his own against Batman, and better still ... push Batman a bit. "This rough and raucous little Demon Boy, always somersaulting around and cracking weird jokes in some barely decipherable accent." Cyril says. The accent has got to be a bit of Dick's early circus slang, mixed with a bit of his being a U.S. Northeasterner, where accents are usually different from neighborhood to neighborhood, but they're always talking at light-speed. It could be a new experience for a cultured, refined, snobby aristocratic boy from England. There's a nice bit of friendly rivalry between these two.

"Earl of Chav", Beryl remarks they've taken to calling Knight. Chav is a slang term in England for somebody working class who goes out of their way to wear a tasteless outfit to stand out in a crowd. We have them here in the States too, but we call them "Long Islanders". They're typically Italian, but by no means limited to just the "Guidos" you see on MTV. In fact, it's quite a contagious, infection of poor taste, zero fashion sense and douche attitudes. But I digress!

Whatever your thoughts on Morrison's storyline, I really like HOW he depicted a clone. It has the knowledge and know-how built-in, but just can't quite live up to the potential. Like Dick said, "like a good song in the hands of a really bad singer". No actual life experience. No muscle memory.

Wayne Tower I ...
The Black Knight finally speaks more than just grunts ... and Morrison basically writes the book here - "Dumb Monsters for Dummies". Kudos to Cam Stewart, who, if you follow through the whole issue, you see chips away at Black Knight's skin in every panel, we watch the guy deteriorate.

Alfred, in a cool move locks Black Knight's cape in the elevator, going up, and Damian chastises Dick Grayson's bad move and turns an IR computer mouse into a projectile weapon at the same time. From a wheelchair and neck-brace. How can you not like the kid? (Also ... issue title "BROKEN" and Damian pure shades of "Post-Knightfall" Bruce - Nice.)

Damian proceeds to use his wheelchair as a weapon, and we get the first of the potential bombshells of this issue, hinted when Batman tastes his own "blud" and refers to it as "tainted, sour blud." Meanwhile, Damian escapes down to the Bat-Bunker garage where we see Dick's flying Batmobile ... Damian's "Akira" bike ... Bruce's last Batmobile ... and the Bat-Quad from the first arc.

We get a glimpse of Black Knight's memories as he likens his mental capacity to shattering glass. His memories are a mash-up of Bruce's worst tormenting inner thoughts, and also the memory of being within the clone tank and watching the other clones die.

But it's still a clone of Bruce Wayne, with some of his memories, and god damn if some of his talk doesn't reference that. "Sumthing siriously wrung with mi brane. I can smell it, old chum, ruh-rotting btween mi ears." He's still got some of that detective know-how. He realizes he's brain-damaged. But then, he says some startling things about Damian, which I'll translate into "Not Brain-Damaged" - just remember that memories of Damian came in the second issue of Last Rites, where Batman started accelerating his "negative memories" to fuck up the clones. Presumably, this means Damian Wayne was considered by Bruce Wayne to be a negative memory.

"I'm your father, Damian. Those tests proved what I feared most of all. You are here to replace me. They sent you to taint the bloodline, for all time. Damian, Demon's Head. In the end it was you. You were my biggest mistake."

Well now, Bruce-Clone. And yes, you're thoughts were brought on by the clashing and smashing of Bruce's worst memories ... but if there's a chance that the real Bruce Wayne felt that way? That's why he kept the truth about Damian so close to the chest? Really now, wouldn't the unprotected sex with Talia be the biggest mistake?

Of course Damian is meant to be some kind of usurper. Ra's al Ghul knew about him, and Ra's was dead. He was enhanced genetically. Apparently it didn't adhere 100% to Son of the Demon and he wasn't put up for adoption. But what makes the clone artificial and Damian natural? What separates them? (Talia's DNA, technically, but still - both were grown in vats.)

At any rate ... a giant leap towards Batman # 666. Damian the usurper ... who'll "rebel".

Coalmine II ...
Batwoman takes a dip in the Lazarus Pit that isn't really a Lazarus Pit, it's really spill from King Arthur's fountain of healing. Knight remarks that the Mine had four exits - one for each of the elements, which is just some old druidic standard practice - nothing especially relevant. Earth, Wind, Fire, Water. At any rate, stuff the Crime Bible types would find interesting.

Batwoman LIVES! And all she has to say about the experience? "That was intense". Jesus, Grant. And the followup for the curious Knight, "It was like a rollercoaster in the dark." And then, true to team-up standards, Colonel Jacob Kane returns, he tracked them down finally - missed all the freaky-deaky shit, and Knight and Squire are jealous that Batwoman has access to "military gear" and mention calling some of "ol' Dad's" friends in the Ministry of Defense.

Wayne Tower II
Singed, burning, degrading Bat-Clone picks up Damian and carries him to the roof of Wayne Tower to throw him off. Says a few more scary "Could be Bruce Wayne thoughts" thoughts.

"Mission comes first, Alfred. Out of my way. 'And I said: What does it take to stop the gunshots?' and the City's big black voice replied: 'The sacrifice of a son'."

(Likelihood this line will come back into play when Bruce gets back? COUNT ON IT.)

So Black Knight throws Damian off the roof, only to be caught mid-swing by Dick with a quippy "With me, it's all in the timing". Classic Dick Grayson. How'd they get back so quick? Colonel Kane has access, that's how. Orbital flight. Cross the Atlantic in half an hour. Dick clearly thinks it was cool ... and goes on to further claim "... and I'm in the middle of a serious team-up." This is the stuff Dick lives for.

Batwoman drops in and starts beating on Black Knight and we get another funny bit of dialogue. "Augghh! Kathy! How could she do this to me?" A nice bit of Bruce Wayne's memories of earlier in "his" career, around Year Five, when Batwoman joined the fun for a year or so.

(Strange coincidental thought process alert: Did you know Kathy Kane's exploits as Batwoman would've been right around the same time our modern "Kate Kane" was attending West Point?)

So Batman and Batwoman take down the Black Knight. With a long fight, and then a "double punch". And after claiming "I'm what you will be." he dies. And Damian immediately goes into "Who are you people and what are you doing here?" mode, keeping his and Alfred's cover and attempting to throw Batwoman off of suspicions that Bruce Wayne's penthouse might have anything to do with Batman.

So as he sends Batwoman on her way, our ever-optimistic Master Grayson hits on her. Smooth move, Grayson. Morrison having some of the first "fun" with the concept of a "millionaire playboy" hitting on Batwoman and getting nowhere. But also, a bit of continuation of Dick & Kate's working relationship, which began back in 52 with a nice Christmas moment and was referenced last issue.

Epilogue ...
Back in England, Knight and Squire (with help from Batwoman's dad and his military hardware) have tracked down Old King Coal's lair and beat up all his chimney sweep henchmen. They knock him out with the patented Batman and Robin double-punch, then set him up in a cell across from his mortal enemy, Pearly King Charlie English. Shades of Long Halloween! Julian Day (Calendar Man) and Alberto Falcone (Holiday). In Gotham it was the freaks vs. the old-school, and in London it's old-school street vs. crime bible north.

Epilogue II ...
Dick talks to Alfred and Damian about what he attempted to do, and firmly assuages everybody's concerns that he was acting out of character. This was BATMAN he was trying to bring back. Damian is understandably pissed that Grayson doesn't plan as well as Bruce. Alfred directly references The Resurrection of Ra's al Ghul where Nightwing told Tim that the Lazarus Pits shouldn't be used.

Dick takes his cloak off and once more looks at Batman's cowl that he retrieved after R.I.P. - the cowl that drew him in after Final Crisis more and more as Nightwing ended and the battle for the cowl began, and admits that it looks like Tim Drake was right all along. Crow will be eaten. The hunt for Bruce Wayne begins.

This was possibly the most substantial, forward-moving, not-as-many symbols or themes chapter Morrison has written in a while. Threads were tied up. Promises have been made for the next arc. The flow was a little more standard.

I suspect in Batman vs. Robin, Dick and Damian will attempt to find clues about Bruce Wayne within Wayne Manor itself, and El Penitente (Hurt), Gravedigger, and Talia will all make moves.

But for now ... we're left with an issue that actually ties up more threads than it leaves. Something satisfying. I'm as curious about what happens next as ever, I'd love to see more of the British characters, learn about Old King Coal's wife and if she's ever going to be shown or if she's an Unseen Character ... but frankly, the Batman # 666 and Batman & Son loose threads are more pressing, and have waited a long time to be caught up on.

Not that much to analyze ... I still squeezed quite a bit of thought out of it.

BATMAN VS. BATMAN

Well, here we go again. This issue is a little lighter on the "Who's who of British street weirdness" and a little more relevant to things like ... Final Crisis ... Blackest Night ... that sort of stuff. And ultimately, the point of the issue is like the title says: Batman beating up Batman.

But man, oh man, there's some stuff I didn't see coming.

London ... earlier (pre-last issue):
I'll just point out here that every time I see fans whine about something Morrison left out or breezed past, they go crazy about it in forums. But then next issue, inevitably, he deals with it. And everybody always forgets this about him.

Fans griped that Batwoman "came out of nowhere" last issue. I thought she was telegraphed. Hints about Coal's crew being fanatics. Slowly we realize that means they're Crime Bible thumpers. Somebody was carried in a box into the Lazarus Mine. Wham, here's Batwoman in a pine coffin. But for anybody who that didn't track well with - here's your explanation. She was tracking Coal's people because she's a Crime Bible expert. Coal's henchmen are either Scooby Doo "G-G-G-Ghost Miners" or ninja Chimney Sweeps with knockout gas soot brooms.

Crime Bible news: Mannheim (I believe is dead as of 52) is considered to be a Martyr."Hail the Rock and the Rage" is standard prayers for these guys - not just the "Order of the Stone". Which is good, because The Spectre killed every single member of the Order of the Stone during Final Crisis' "Hell Month". (Except Vandal Savage, last seen hanging with Ra's al Ghul, and soon to be seen by Bruce Wayne as a young neanderthal). In case anyone wondered ... it's pretty clear that Morrison loves what Greg Rucka has been doing.

So anyway ... we see Eddie English get loaded onto the Burning Black Heart train with TNT on his chest. And Batwoman is kidnapped. Curiosity - is English his actual last name? Is Pearly King's last name English as well? Anyway ... King Coal is a Crime Bible guy, but his "prayers" echo The Devil (Doctor Hurt) who assault Bruce Wayne, Bruce's acknowledgment that upon meditating he felt a "Hole in the center of existence" and the fact that some of that came from Darkseid. The intersection of Bruce's meditations and battles with his personal Devil, the Crime Bible which worships Judeo-Christian Evil but has plenty of Jack Kirby New God chapters and speaks of the "Apokolips" and Darkseid vs. Batman in Final Crisis? I haven't put my finger on the keystone to the whole set of how it connects yet, but some ideas are forming that hopefully get easier to clarify soon. Anyway ... this ends with a nice, quick Jacob Kane cameo. Colonel Kane (Dad) is Batwoman's "behind-the-scenes" man. Apparently by the time this issue happens, they've gotten over their drama about Alice. By the way, if you aren't reading Rucka & J.H. Williams/Jock Batwoman? What the hell are you thinking? It's literally just as good as what Morrison is doing ... go ... get it. I'll wait.

Remble Colliery, English countryside (Near Newcastle):
Batwoman kind of sums up one of my thoughts - the Crime Bible "worships Gods of Evil". I suppose that means they're an "all-inclusive religions". They worship Satan, they worship Lucifer, they worship Pluto/Hades, they worship the New Gods of Apokolips, they worship all evil gods. Therefore ... the "connection" between those things might just well be that these cult crime villains are the ones making connections via prophecies and other things. In fact, one would theorize that the Third Batman from "Batman in Bethlehem" (#666) and the "new Gotham villains" depicted there are carrying out the evolution of the Crime Bible, and that by the time Damian grows up, the Crime Bible is HUGE in the DCU.

So ... insane Lazarus Bruce Wayne clone is the "Black Messiah" of the Crime Bible? I wonder how long he'll stick around for ... but some fans have theorized that Darkseid is in there. Dick says "there's no God of Evil in there, just Batman". And Darkseid says "he has use for a dead clone body of Bruce Wayne". Could this be Darkseid's last ditch attempt? After all ... he mentioned that he chose Dan Turpin because Batman would have been too hard to control. This feels sort of like "post-Return of the Jedi" when the Emperor didn't actually die, he hurled his soul into a clone body.

Final Crisis news: This flashback clearly takes place AFTER Batman has escaped but BEFORE Superman picks up the body. It's obviously BEFORE Batman shows himself, shoots Darkseid and gets Omega Sanctioned, because Darkseid mentioned "I wondered when you'd show yourself", meaning Bruce has been sneaking around the Bludhaven bunker. Plus, here Darkseid isn't bleeding or dying.

The fight. Man, much of this issue is the brawl. Batman (Dick), Knight, Squire and Batwoman can't even take on a full-powered, Lazarus-bathed super-soldier clone of Bruce Wayne. Four TOP level ass-kickers like that can't handle this guy. I'm not saying Bruce wouldn't win against the four of them (with or without Lazarus Pit) but this clone (which needs a name) is a wrecking machine. Even Dick's cool "Electric Bat-Knucks" didn't help much. Meanwhile, Cameron Stewart draws a really good looking Kung-Fu battle.

Outside ...
More of Old King Coal. Even his black car has a burning coal chunk logo. Others have pointed out the "Black vs. White" theme of the English gangsters. Black Newcastle vs. White London. Black Coal vs. White Pearl. Working class (Chimney Sweeps, too) vs. Street Royalty. OF COURSE King Coal is smoking a cigar. The guy has to be smoking. Burning. Smoldering.

Batwoman tazes Clone-Bat in the FACE! And it doesn't work! That Fountain of Youth crap must be good stuff. Meanwhile ... the mine has been caved in. The "Caved in mine" is an absolutely classic Pulp Fiction trope. And Clone-Bat escapes ... because he apparently has enough Bruce Wayne escape artist skill to be the one who gets away.

Gotham City (Wayne Foundation Bat-Bunker):
Alfred's home. A nice bit of "Comic book time" because he was on some high-tech exotic location last issue during the Lazarus Pit events, and now he's already back in Gotham.

Back at the Coalmine ...
Bat-Clone (What the HELL are we going to call him? Dark Messiah? Bat-Beast?) takes one of Alan Moore and Brian Bolland's Gyro-Bats for a spin back to London. What's his motivation other than being an insane Bruce Wayne clone? But anyway, Batwoman is severely fucked up. Broken legs. Dying. WHAT?! Rucka gave the okay for this?! (Yes, yes ... fear not, Batwoman fans ... there is a Lazarus Pit five feet away and a Prophecy involved. She'll be fine next issue.)

Back in London ...
We get another cameo from John Cleese inspired "Beefeater" as Bat-Beast steals the Bat-Plane that Dick left in London ... because he looks like Batman, sounds like Batman, and knows what Batman knows.

Back in Gotham ...
More Damian. He's got a new spine, he's a 10 year old hellion so being wheelchair confined doesn't seem like much fun. And this time instead of Batwoman, it's Alfred's turn to shut up internet fans who complained that Dick Grayson is acting out of character, as Morrison sums it up thusly for those who literally said there was no proof other than our (us being readers who pay attention) "interpretation of what Dick is thinking". And thus: "I fear Master Richard has taken the taunts of the Red Hood to heart and done something rather rash." I love how often I'm proven right (Sorry, had to gloat here ... I'm done.)

Look ... Dick Grayson is not Bruce Wayne. Dick has feelings. Jason Todd was his successor, a little bit of a trainee, and Jason didn't last long. But they were both Robin. When Jason returned? After he tried to torment Bruce a bit, he moved on to Dick. Clearly there was a grudge. But CLEARLY Dick actually cares what Jason thinks and says. And now ... now they're rivals. Jason is the closest thing Dick has to an arch-nemesis. The ex-Robins. The good son vs. the bad son. (Granted, I think they're as much "little brothers" to Bruce as they are "sons" but that's a WHOLE other argument, not that relevant here. I've said it before ... Bruce was their surrogate, and was whatever they needed him to be. Brother. Father figure.)

Plus Jason's statement had the added insult to injury of the fact that Jason himself was resurrected via Lazarus Pit. And he's ... not really much less insane than he was before. Dick talked Tim out of using the Lazarus Pit on his lost ones. But throw a Jason into the mix? Feelings get mixed.

Lastly ... Alfred called Jason "Red Hood". Not Master Jason. Not Mister Todd. RED HOOD. That right there is tacit acknowledgment that Jason is no longer part of the Bat-Family. He WAS the Black Sheep. Now he's not welcome. He's a villain. He might not be a Gotham Rogue, but he's a villain. Perhaps the most tragic villain of all.

Coalmine ...
A nice moment of "full circle" appreciation. Dick first met Kate Kane as Batwoman during 52 - the Christmas issue. He gave her a Batarang as a Christmas present, because he's Dick Grayson - "Nice guy extraordinaire, lover of red-heads, welcome aboard." So now she finally realizes (She's not officially Bat-Family) Oh ... you're that guy who gave me the Batarang. Nightwing became Batman, that's who it is. It's a nice moment. He came to her rescue with Montoya as well.

Then she DIES. What the fuck?!

But like I said ... there's a Pit nearby ... a Prophecy in the air ... she'll be fine.

But then there's this: Knight and Squire dig through and find Batman. Quote Dick Grayson: "She's dead. Batwoman died in my arms." Which TOTALLY hearkens back to the Silver Age story where Kathy Kane died in Bruce Wayne's arms. I don't think she really died in that story ... it was a hallucination or something brought on by aliens. I think it was featured in The Black Casebook collection, actually, and that's where I read it.

King Coal calls his "old lady" or whatever (Nothing actually said they were a couple). I'm still trying to figure who she might be. My guesses are: Whisper A'Daire. (Because she's Crime Bible and Abbot is a supporting character in Rucka's Batwoman stuff, but his former Cobra partner Whisper is missing) or possibly Talia. Talia was part of Libra's high command in Final Crisis. Libra preached out of the Crime Bible as Darkseid's prophet. It's POSSIBLE Talia converted to Crime Bible religion during Final Crisis. She did seem to be "planning something" last issue. It's hard to say, though. Morrison has finally gotten around to picking up on threads from Final Crisis but Talia has been a recurring character in his run with her own agendas and plots. Whether they connect are just speculation.

Back in Gotham ...
Last, but not least ... I didn't expect Bat-Beast to fly back to Wayne Tower in Gotham, attack Alfred and see Damian (and possibly throw the kid wheelchair and all off the top of the building next issue). Can not fucking wait to see where this goes from here ...

Batwoman has got to be revived to counter the prophecy. Dick Grayson has had a rude awakening and will have an even ruder one once they kill this Bat-Beast clone and he realizes ... wait a fucking second ... if the Blackest Night body we buried isn't Bruce, where the fuck is Bruce? Tim Drake was fucking right?! Knight and Squire ... well, they're along for the ride, aren't they? Good friends to Batman (Bruce or Dick). Awful nice of them to help out with this case.

Damian vs. a clone of his father? How the hell is that going to go? Damian was included in some of the newer, less fun memories that Bruce used to destroy the clone minds (basically the whole second issue of Last Rites). How's that going to work?

And, going way further (and less likely, but hey ...) if Darkseid is somehow in there, or affecting the Bat-Beast/Dark Messiah clone ... and Damian is the grandson of "The Demon" ... has some sort of connection to The Devil (As seen in Batman # 666) and is the closest living thing to Bruce Wayne on the Earth right now? Will Dark Messiah/Darkseid actually give us a hint about the nature of Doctor Hurt A.K.A. The Devil? (Coming soon in the very next story arc.)

I doubt Morrison will highlight much of that. He likes to keep things close to the vest and seed out the hints and tidbits over time. But I do think there's a very, very high chance that we get A HINT about Doctor Hurt next issue.